NAME OF GUY: “MAGNUS”

ACTIVITY: coffee and movie

VENUE: downtown coffee shop; awesome old, downtown movie theater

MY OUTFIT: I don’t remember my shirt, it’s been a long week; took a little risk with fishnet stockings, slacks that are shorts and tall boots

AMOUNT OF TIME BEAUTIFYING: 45 minutes

FOLLOW-UP DONE BY: him, via e-mail

WILL I GO OUT WITH HIM AGAIN: yes

NARRATIVE: We met for coffee at an old, shabby-hip building downtown. It was a very urban setting, and thus began an urban date between two urban people. We sat near a windowless window, hearing the traffic go by and smelling cigarette smoke.

As pre-arranged, he had bought our movie tickets so I bought his coffee. He got a basic black–I got an excellent half shot espresso blended into a milkshake.

He was there when I arrived on the dot of time, so he was early. I wondered if I would be able to pick him out easily as we had not seen each other for over a month since Speed Dating but it was a breeze.

He had already gotten a delicious, rich piece of chocolate cake and offered to share. Much to my chagrin, I had developed a huge fever blister on my lower lip the day before. I didn’t want to be weird and turn down the cake offer, so I split it in half (for hygiene purposes) with my fork before eating, hoping he wouldn’t notice and be offended by thinking I’m a big germ-a-phobe.

Just like Lawrence, he wore a button-up shirt with the top button undone to much the same effect. Too much chest with intermittent curly black chest hair hanging out, ugh!! Weirdly, I appreciate chest hair in the right time and place–namely with NO shirt and if it’s not intermittent but more a mat distributed evenly on the chest and stomach. Yes, I have analyzed my opinion on this issue and to hell with the recent obsession in our culture with hairless bodies!

Anyway, I didn’t gag over the hair or anything; and I have completely overcome this problem with Lawrence because he has absolutely perfect chest hair, I later came to realize. Oh wait, I’m supposed to be talking about the date with Magnus, crap.

Magnus is the sort of guy you don’t get to know all at once, he plays it close to the chest and I had very little idea what he was thinking in regards to me–interest level, attraction, etc. There are not too many men I feel this way around, generally I can pin down their thoughts in the first five minutes. “This one is a smart one,” I thought to myself. I have to admit a bit of intrigue on this note, instead of a puppy-dog-young or dumb guy, or one who’s drooling on his shoes over me. Part of this really is age and the experience that comes with it, I suppose. Young guys (around their 20’s) are starting to seem just that–YOUNG–as if young in itself is a dimension, just one limited dimension. “Older” guys (40’s-60’s) are starting to seem more interesting as experienced human beings, even capable of sensuality/sexuality (which seemed icky to me back in the day).

The downside of this is a paunch, balding, and grayness, all of which Magnus has–I put him at around 40. Balding and grayness can be ok but with him it just makes me un-attracted. Too bad, since his personality is very intelligent and we have common interests to discuss with a great amount of depth. The fact that he knows literature and quality/classic films so well is incredibly attractive. It really is too bad; I used to think I could get around physical appearance entirely but can’t anymore. I’m not looking for a god, a model, even a head-turner; I just want someone who I feel attracted to enough that I want to get close to them. Physical repulsion won’t work–I know, I’ve tried it. One great physical characteristic that Magnus has is a beautifully shaped upper lip. It almost hangs with sensuality–I just couldn’t help going on a couple fantasy rides of deep, multiple kisses. The lip was so lovely that I could place it in a world all its own and stop thinking of the rest of the face in front of me.

We seemed to have a good feel for walking together as I had to re-park my car and we got to talk more before going to the movie. I was very excited that someone else was so into going to see “The Maltese Falcon.”

So, now what? He has already sent me a couple e-mails about going to more movies. That may be just what we have together, a friendship based on movies and books–I could almost say there could be more but I just don’t think there’s relationship potential. The date was fun anyway and I hope he will accept being my friend so we can hang out.

He has been my most intellectual date yet and it was refreshing to be around someone age appropriate after my Cougar experience. I can’t believe I thought that John would even possibly want to date me again! And I am fine with that, I do not want to be an older sister/mother figure. These two dates have been a great exercise in the value of comparisons.

Rating Him:

Face shape: 7 (I would say 5 but The Lip gains 2 points by itself)

Body: 3

Eyes: 6.5

Hair or lack thereof/Facial hair or lack thereof: 4

Voice: 8 (good phone voice)

Sexiness: 2

Overall Physical Attractiveness: 3

Fashion: 7

IT-ness (the IT factor, you either have IT or you don’t): 3

Deportment: 10

Charm: 7

Amiable: 10

Polite: 10

Interesting: 8.5

Kiss-o-meter: N/A

Rating Myself:

Face: 4 (fever blister)

Body: 8.5

Smell: 8

Fashion: 7.5

Overall Physical Attractiveness: 6 (fever blister)

Deportment: 10

Amiable: 10

Confidence: 6 (fever blister)

Polite: 10

NAME OF GUY: “JOHN”

ACTIVITY: coffee at college-y, hipster-y neighborhood coffee shop

VENUE: outdoor/indoor coffee shop

MY OUTFIT: red low-cut-ish hippie shirt w/ lace edging and long sweater, short leggings w/ tall black 80’s boots and a favorite necklace

AMOUNT OF TIME BEAUTIFYING: 30 minutes

FOLLOW-UP DONE BY: hasn’t happened yet

WILL I GO OUT WITH HIM AGAIN: unsure, no plans were made

NARRATIVE: I was waiting in line for food, coffee and him when he walked in and we did the “let’s try to look each other over subtly to figure out if that’s the person I’m meeting” thing. It’s been almost exactly three weeks to the day since I met him at Speed Dating (he was my first date there). We both acknowledged that it was a bit difficult to recognize each other due to how many people we had met there, and it was a bit awkward at first standing in line. By the time we sat down and started talking the conversation warmed and we were able to jump from topic to topic and have a good conversation, but I couldn’t tell exactly what was going on behind his eyes. It’s funny how with some people you can tell and some you can’t. He would sometimes look at me intently during pauses in the conversation and I couldn’t tell if he was concentrating, or thought I was good-looking, or if that is just a typical every-day expression for him. He did seem to think I was funny and interesting. I do believe he also thought I was too old and may not want to date me again because of that. I saw him as too young—10 years my junior. I suspected he was pretty young when I met him at Speed Dating, outside of the range I have chosen for anyone to get involved with unless it’s just a unique and special sort of person. When he started talking about college a lot and just having started his career two years ago, I started seeing flashing neon lights in my brain—“Cougar, Cougar, I am a Cougar!!”

It was funny that what attracted me to him in the first place at Speed Dating was his look of youthful innocence and attitude of openness/enthusiasm. He did not look like someone who’d been ripped up and spit out by life yet, like those of us who have been on the planet long enough to have had more of those experiences. Unfortunately, there may be only so much John and I can talk about. My gut tells me that he would just not be enough to entertain me and I may be too much for him—too experienced, just plain too old. He needs some nice, little girl in her early 20’s to feed him that pure sort of love.

You never know though. He has a sexy nose and maybe he uses it for close up (face) shots in a secret porn career on the side. Computer guru by day, porn star by night sort of deal. He wears glasses and looks all straight-laced when he comes over to fix the plumbing but THEN….

Why is it always the “plumbing” anyway?? Well, I suppose we know the answer to that but that’s not what this blog is about.

Or maybe he’s super into S&M or something–cuffs, whips, collars, the whole bit. He could have a quirky, freaky-deaky side that doesn’t show in casual dating. I doubt it (sigh) but that might be more interesting. It was nice to go out with a nice young man though. I feel like someone’s Old Maiden Aunt now. Hmmmmm, well I guess I’ll just rack it up to more of the dating experience.

Or maybe the problem with any real down and dirty chemistry (at least on this first date) was the fact that he didn’t seem to know quite what to say sometimes as well as the fact that we don’t seem to have any hobbies/interests in common, except for liking dogs and warm weather. (Could a relationship be built off of that if we became crazy dog show people, like on “Best of Show”?) It also reminds me of one of the stupidest car commercials ever that I saw years back hyping a car’s ability for dual climate control, when that used to be a big deal. It went something like this:

“He wears wool. She wears cotton. He likes such and such. She likes this and that. They never agree but with the new [insert name of car manufacturer/model] they can both be satisfied.”

It also laid it out on the line for us stupid viewers that women are always cold (maybe because she’s wearing freaking cotton and it’s Fall in New England, do you think??) and men are always warm (maybe because his feet are in a sweat bath in those wool socks while he’s pushing the accelerator pedal too fast. (We know he’s going too fast and not asking for directions because he’s a man and of course he’s in the driver’s seat, too.)

Why didn’t they just wrap them up in pink and blue respectively and sell us that gender stereotype?? Barf.

Anyway, my actual point is: John likes ping pong, I like to write. He likes chess, I like classic movies. He likes computers, I like art. Hey, we’re both bored by Math but not meat (as non-vegetarians), Lord above, hallelujah!!

On another topic, I seem to have an uncanny ability lately to sniff out guys who grew up in neighboring states to the state I grew up in, now that we all live far from that area. Statistically, that’s been half of my dates so far, this time with John and before with Lawrence. Weird. Maybe I need to diversify.

Well, he is a bit cute and I did have a good time talking to him—maybe we could be friends and he could teach me to not suck at ping pong.

Rating Him:

Face shape: it must have been non-descript because I don’t remember

Body: didn’t notice anything incredible or anything bad, it was cold so he had a lot of clothes on but he seems in shape and with youth on his side I’d give him an 8

Eyes: 3

Hair or lack thereof/Facial hair or lack thereof: 4

Voice: 6

Sexiness: 6

Overall Physical Attractiveness: 6.5

Fashion: 5

IT-ness (the IT factor, you either have IT or you don’t): 4

Deportment: 7

Charm: a boyish 7.5

Amiable: 10

Polite: 10 (concerned that I was freezing to death, so we went inside to continue our talk)

Interesting: 6.5

Kiss-o-meter: N/A

Rating Myself:

Face: 8

Body: 9 (image of such is improving with less eating and more walking)

Smell: 8.5

Fashion: 7.5

Overall Physical Attractiveness: 8

Deportment: 9

Amiable: 10

Confidence: 10

Polite: 10

NAME OF DATE: “DAMON”

ACTIVITY: LUNCH

VENUE: CHAIN RESTAURANT THAT IS NOT DEATHLY CHEAP

MY OUTFIT: GIRLY BLACK & WHITE PATTERNED THICK MATERIAL, NARROW LOW-NECK DRESS W/ STAND-OUT TANK SLEEVES & HIGH WAIST, LEGGINGS & THE FAMOUS KNEE-HIGH GRANNY BOOTS; BRIGHT PINK/TANGERINE SCARF/SHAWL; HAIR COMBED OVER AT FOREHEAD, SLIGHTLY WAVED/FLIPPED

AMOUNT OF TIME BEAUTIFYING: 45 MINS (I had no expectations due to my earlier anxieties but figured I should look decent and tried to dress up a little because I figured he was that kind of guy)

FOLLOW-UP DONE BY: N/A; has not happened yet, the date was today

WILL I GO OUT WITH HIM AGAIN: YES

INTRO: Lots of gluten and conversation to chew on.

NARRATIVE: As of this moment, I am having trouble thinking because of a gluten-induced food coma from being dumb enough to eat at an Italian restaurant and not ask to go somewhere else where I could eat my usual hunter/gather-ish diet. However, the date itself was thought-stimulating, which is a good thing for someone like me who needs to be entertained.

Damon is entertaining, very techie/nerdy/smart, funny, and quirky/weird in a good way. We had an interesting conversation based on these things, except the techie aspect of his personality may be a bit overkill for me since I am a technical dinosaur and positively inept when it comes to the physics projects, games of strategy, video games and computer topics he was talking about. I wanted to call out in the restaurant, “I know I’m a nerd but you’ve got the wrong girl! I am the stupidest person you’ll ever meet–I have battles with touch screens because they don’t know I’m alive!” (Day in my life: touch the button on the screen, nothing happens; touch again, nothing happens; third time, nothing…I go into Cave Woman mode and start stabbing the screen.)

But then again, he had me laughing at his weird wit and sense of fun. I greatly enjoyed hearing from a fellow cerebral character about the myriad of ideas that his brain constantly pumps out. He’s also sarcastic and blunt (self-described). I can usually deal with blunt because I appreciate honesty and like to know what the other person thinks, even if it’s not fully pleasant. I want to be communicated with. I also enjoy sarcasm and making fun of people (in good humor) and situations, as does he.

Unfortunately, he has little physical appeal for me. I don’t like his round little dimpled chin, his almost apple-shaped round face and his dorky short-bangs oriented haircut. The judgments are just rolling out here. I should say though that he  has intelligent, kind of piercing brown eyes. And I did agree to go on a date with him in the first place because he has something interesting to say and is so smart that I respect him. I figured if nothing else, he could end up being a fun friend to hang out with.

He wore a really nice shirt, which is always impressive. But he went to church earlier today (I didn’t ask about that). Church-going itself is not necessarily a problem, it’s the religion that usually goes along with it (sometimes, not always). I don’t want any Gentle Readers to be offended here.

He has a good job, stability, and I suspect some money (especially with his fancy watch and talk of buying a new car and Good Golly, I think he may even have a house!) I hate, hate, hate being the typical female sniffing out a Provider but gee it sure was nice to have someone care enough about his impression on me to pay for lunch. He didn’t flaunt his money or job about either as dating currency.

He had initially asked me out on a longer date in which there would’ve been pool and drinks after lunch but I didn’t accept what with my anxiety problem. I also had a crap ton of stuff to do today and now am writing instead of getting it done. He was a little bit miffed, but still agreeable when we talked about it. I did at least feel that it was worth at least one more shot and would be fun to talk to him again so I brought up the idea of date #2 and we came up with some ideas.

My conclusion is that smart can be sexy, as I have always known but I also know that I need someone who is a bit less of a Tech and more of an Artist. This is tricky because the Artists I have been in relationships with either had deep-seated issues, a selfishness problem, or they broke my heart into millions of tiny pieces. At least with a Tech you know where you are. But, I think I may just get bored. Too bad.

The other thing I learned today is that I did the right thing. I feel self-affirmed to have gone out on another date after (probably) getting in too deep with Lawrence. I felt relaxed and enjoyed myself–it was very good to just talk and start all over casually getting to know someone and appreciate that person. I am not deliberately trying to make comparisons but it gave me some perspective on Lawrence to be sitting at that table across from someone else who is entirely different. Now I can be more objective in regards to him, see his strengths and faults more clearly and I hope, move forward more secure in however this whole deal turns out.

FYI, the hug is the new accepted urban greeting. Or maybe it’s been around forever and I just didn’t know it, not having been very urbane. The hug is also acceptable in lieu of a kiss that would be too awkward at the end of a first date.

Rating Him:

Face shape: 2.5

Body: 3

Eyes: 7

Hair or lack thereof/Facial hair or lack thereof: 2.5

Voice: 5

Sexiness: 3

Overall Physical Attractiveness: 2

Fashion: 9

IT-ness (the IT factor, you either have IT or you don’t): 5

Deportment: 10

Charm: 8 (sense of humor and politeness add a lot)

Amiable: 7

Polite: 10 (did everything right, including opening doors and paying for lunch smoothly, e-mail etiquette, offering a hand so I could get unpeeled from the restaurant booth)

Interesting: 8

Kiss-o-meter: N/A

Rating Myself:

Face: 8.5 (spent some time on makeup to make it successful)

Body: 8.5 (feeling  better about body image from eating less, working out more & being overall a little slimmer)

Smell: 8.5 (it was cold today & no problems with sweating, I also used perfume)

Fashion: 7.5 (I looked cute but he was sophisticated and I was possibly too young-retro)

Overall Physical Attractiveness: 8.5

Deportment: 8.5

Amiable: 9 (I laughed a lot and was generally nice to be around)

Confidence: 8.5

Polite: 5 (I lost big points, at least with myself for not responding to his e-mails trying to set up the date and I neglected to take the hand he offered to help me up from the booth)