Kick in the Pants

Today I got a much-needed Scarlett O’Casual kick in the pants. Talked to Cassie about my Lawrence “problem.” How already so early in the Experiment I am heading dangerously close to the over-commitment thing. The past few days I have been intensely considering being exclusive with Lawrence rather than continuing to date many people. (My problem is often that I am too intense. Could I just get that lobotomy now, please?)

Luckily for me, Cassie advised me at the critical juncture that was today that I really need to date more before ending the Experiment. Even though I temporarily felt like a dating guru, she pointed out the simple and undeniable fact that I still have more to learn. I told her how much I like Lawrence and how I want him to trust me but how can he if I tell him I’m dating a bunch of people? C pointed out that if he really is the right person for me, he will wait and “allow” me to do just what I feel I need to do.

I am developing pretty natural feelings of potential jealousy and possessiveness toward L, albeit feelings that could sour quickly if they go too far. I just would hate to hear him tell me that he is getting physical in any way with anyone else. I hate myself for this–it makes me feel ugly and out of control. I’m writing about it because I have to be honest, it’s part of the process. And I can be honest with him, too.

The best thing C told me today was that I need to practice dealing with the discomfort caused by already feeling strongly toward  L while simultaneously dating other people. It’s the dealing with the discomfort part that’s so important–this is the process that will allow for real personal growth and give me the opportunity to overcome my over-commitment/impulsively getting together with someone problem. I didn’t necessarily enjoy this kick in the pants but I’m glad I got it. Objective perspective wins over my own  confused subjectivity, the same thing that happens over and over as we rely on friends to get us through.

And I do feel better. Over the past few days, I had 1)built it up in my mind to believe that I had to make a huge decision between Lawrence and dating (which is false) and 2)gotten all knotted up about it. Now I feel a bit better. I know there’s going to be more discomfort over the coming months–BRING IT.

I have now re-committed to the Dating Experiment by answering e-mails from the Speed Date guys (four so far) saying I will go on a date with them. So, more fab dating descriptions to come. Wish me luck.