Category Archives: Cassandra Chick-Lit

Men are from Mars….

Apparently the divide between men and women is almost insurmountable even when it’s between friends. One of my male friends and I have discussed the possibility of us dating. We said we were going to and then we didn’t, but we stayed friends, friends who sometimes kiss, but are more than friends with benefits. Yes, I know everyone thinks it’s more than that but this really is. We are able to go out and enjoy dinner or movies or other social activities and not always get physical afterwards. We still talk about dating and we talk about only being friends and eliminating the physical stuff, we talk about everything. The bottom line is that we like each other and are attracted to each other so I don’t see anything wrong with acting on that when we both agree to it.

There are a lot of complicated reasons he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now that I can’t get into here, but he takes the time to talk about it with me. He feels like he isn’t ready and I won’t push him because if we are meant to be, we will be, when we are both ready for it. He knows I’m not waiting around for him. Again, if we are ever going to have a shot we both have to want it and be ready for it at the same time and if I hold out for him I may end up resenting him if he doesn’t conform to my timeline.

So anyway, normally when we text he responds either right away or within a few hours. There have been times in the past when he wasn’t responding about making plans but that hasn’t happened in a long time. Recently though I didn’t get a response to multiple text messages over a span of a few days. One missed text message is one thing, maybe he was busy, or it was late and he was asleep, but several missed messages and phone calls makes me crazy. My abandonment issues kick in and I start to freak out. Then I go back and forth between being worried and being upset that the other person can’t even respond to tell me they’re busy. This is where the difference between men and women come in. Women will write back and say that but men, men often just wait until they’re not busy and don’t get why women are upset by then.

He finally responded after I sent him (what felt like) a million more Facebook messages. Of course, he thought I was being overdramatic. I told him I just worry. Turns out he had sick relatives so my worry was not unfounded. Ugh, why couldn’t he just tell me that?? He of course, still doesn’t get why I was so worried. I am mad at him but want nothing more than to see him and talk to him and hug him. This probably means I need to not see him for a bit.

Speed dating part deux

I went speed dating again yesterday. I went to an event run by the same company last month and it was entertaining enough. It could have been run a little better as it was a bit disorganized but it was relatively cheap as far as these types of events go. At the other event I think I met 26 men and this time there were about the same number if not 1 or 2 less. In my opinion, this is a few too many people. I have been to other events with 10-12 people and in those cases your odds aren’t as good but by the end of meeting 25+ people you can be rather exhausted, so that may due something to your odds as well.

Last time I put down 14 of the men but I only received one mutual match. I wasn’t especially attracted to him but we had some things in common and I was trying to be open-minded. He never contacted me and I never contacted him so that’s that. This time I tried changing up my outfit a little bit and wore a dress, one with birdcages that makes me feel feminine and flirty. We’ll see if I get more matches this time.

Am I Mrs. Robinson?

It seems that lately all the men I’ve been interested in have been younger than me. I don’t mean a year or two or younger either, I mean like 6, 7 or even 8 years younger. I believe that as we get older age gaps make less of a difference but I still feel like the gap between early/mid twenties to early/mid thirties is a pretty significant one. I grew up so much in the last few years of my twenties and often times women already want to settle down before men. So, I’m just not confident I can hang around until a 25 year old is ready to get married and start a family because I may not have any eggs left by then.

I’m not sure why it is that I’ve been drawn to these specific younger men lately because in my head the ideal age range for me right now is men who are 35-38. I’m looking for a man who is a little bit older, established, and ready for kids soon. Perhaps it’s because I’m still sorting all that out myself that I’m attracted to men who aren’t there yet either, or maybe it’s because I want a partner with a creative side, and some of the older men have lost that in favor of practicality? I don’t know what it is but I’m trying to stay away from it. Is that wrong? Should I just go for it and not worry about it? What say you dear readers?

What happens at the library gets written on the blog

Today I went to brunch with my friends. Then I went to the library to check out some children’s picture books for research. It was my first time in the children’s book section of the library. Usually when I want to look at picture books I go to the book store because they are guaranteed to have the newest, latest books in stock. This time though, I wanted to take the books home with me and really spend some time perusing them. So off to the library I went armed with a list of authors from my parent and educator friends.

When I got there a funny thing happened. I saw a man looking at some of the books on display on top of the bookshelves (they are short so the kids can reach them) with his iPad out. I thought oh that’s cute, I wonder if he’s picking out books for his kids. Then I happened to catch a glimpse of one of the books he was looking at, it had a cowboy on it and was that a ninja? I was on the other side of the row he was on and I kind of lingered because I had to get a closer look at that book if he put it back. While I was trying to make sure I wasn’t being creepy and lurkery, he spoke.

“Do you read a lot of children’s books?” he asked.

I briefly pondered how to answer. I had no children with me, but neither did he. I’m not a parent or a teacher or in any profession that deals with kids. So, I decided to tell him the truth. I told him I was a writer researching picture books. He asked me about my favorites and I rattled off a few names. He was there doing research for his brother who is looking to do some illustration work. We chatted for a bit and then I mentioned the writing group that I run as he said he does write some fiction. It turns out he had been to one meeting so we talked about his impressions on that.

Then I felt it was time to take action. I didn’t want to let the moment go, but I am still recovering from an illness and had already had some phlegm issues in addition to my lips being dry to the point that I feel like people can see how cracked they are, which makes me self-conscious when I talk. So, I finally said let me give you my e-mail address. You can reach me through the site (where I run the writing group) but that’s attached to my hotmail address and I’ve been having issues with it lately so here’s my gmail address. He said that would be great and he would definitely contact me. I don’t know if he’s even single or for that matter, straight but hey, at least I put myself out there. Even if nothing romantic comes of it, he can be a new writer friend, I can make an exception for people that can help my craft, or maybe he’ll have creative single friends even. And if something more does come out of it, well, that would be one great story!

The results are in…

So, I finally got the results of my speed dating event back. I was beginning to worry that I didn’t have any matches because it had been a few days. Then the negativity started to creep in, out of 14 guys not even one wanted to go out with me at least once? Well, it turns out that only 1 put me down as a match. I chose 14 hoping to get at least 2 or 3 but I guess I should be happy I even got one right? I’m kind of bummed out because some of the guys I would be interested in being friends with more than anything and I think that can happen from speed dating too, actually I know it can, but I guess I shouldn’t worry about that because being friends with guys is part of why I am where I am right now. More on that in future posts.

Physically speaking the one guy who I did match with isn’t really the type I would normally go for, I don’t have one specific type, but there are things I like and don’t like as with anyone else. However, we had some common interests so I put him down trying to be open-minded. So, I guess now I’ll wait and see if he contacts me. I’m kind of old fashioned and I like to be pursued. I’m on the fence about attending another event with this company because I worry it’ll end up just being some of the same guys over and over again but you never know… I’d probably go to at least once more.

I may have some other prospects on the line though. This afternoon I was home sick from work so I poked around on one of the dating websites I am signed up for to amuse myself while I waited for my messages. I got an e-mail from one guy wanting friends with benefits, which I politely declined. I am fine with that if the agreement is mutually agreed upon but it’s not what I want right now while I’m trying to be more available for a relationship to grow. Then I got another e-mail from a guy who sounded interesting, he’s met Mother Theresa, I’m not a practicing Catholic at the moment, but that’s still pretty freaking cool. So, I didn’t wait my usual one day to reply, I just waited a few hours until he was offline (since I happened to be online when he was online messaging me) and just wrote back to him today. We’ll see when/if he replies again.

There is also another guy I may be interested in from one of the social groups I’m in but he is very young, younger than the other young guys I’ve been dating lately. He does seem mature in some ways, but most of our conversations have been online so it’s hard to tell. He may end up in my garden of man friends but it’s still too soon to tell what will happen yet…

Speed dating

So,  I went speed dating today. I have been twice before with different companies and at one of those events I did end up matching with someone who I went out a few times before figuring out it wasn’t a love connection. We did continue to hang out though and have become good friends. I go into these things not expecting much other than to meet some new people who I may or may not see again. This event had 26 men, I think there were slightly fewer women, but I had to talk to 26 guys for 3 minutes each. It was fun and exhausting. It was somewhat well run, although they could have done a few things a little better. It’s always awkward trying to write notes and they were running a little behind schedule so they zipped us along pretty quickly and I had a few blanks in my notes next the guys’ names. So, when it came time to decide who I liked I filled up all 14 spots on the sheet. I wrote down some people I might not have been typically attracted to but whose conversation was interesting and a few who had blanks next to their names, because what the heck? It wouldn’t hurt to go on one date with them if we even end up matching. That’s the other thing, I don’t expect to match with all 14 so I just filled up the spots hoping to match with more than just 1 or 2.  We shall see shortly how that turns out…

Am I the unavailable one?

Cassie here and I have a slightly different problem than my friend Scarlett. While she seems to be perpetually involved in long term relationships I can’t seem to make it past a few weeks in any of mine. I recently had a revelation though.

I’ve suspected for some time now that maybe I’m the unavailable one. Then while searching for a solution to another problem I came across an article about that very topic. While I didn’t agree with all the logic behind it the signs they pointed out were pretty clear, I am unavailable. My current romantic interests are all unavailable, at least to me, but I may be part of the problem. I have a pattern of liking a guy, becoming friends with them, and then never dating them. I’ve suspected that at least some of these guys may have had an interest in me as well. Now, is the reason we never went out because I never asked (It is the 2000s and I’m a modern woman, a chicken, but a modern woman) or is it because I never gave them the go ahead to approach me about it?  This is something I may ask some of them in the future if I can get up the nerve and deal with the consequences of talking about it honestly. For now though, I’m just going to try to put myself out there more and see what happens.

To that end, my goal will be a little different than Scarlett’s. It will be to practice being more available. I’ve got a very busy schedule but I’m going to try to start making more room in it for dating. Also, I will be more focused on trying to find someone I can continue to go out with and hopefully even someone with whom I can be in a relationship. That’s what I want, but having been on my own for as long as I have been, that’s a scary thought. So, I’m going to need to find someone who is willing to take it slow with me.