DATING EXPERIENCE 8: The ONE: he must be out there (??)


ACTIVITY: visiting a backyard “museum” of junk, coffee and walk

VENUE: some dude’s backyard; coffee shop in the hip part of town; hiking area

MY OUTFIT: Adorable blue thrift dress with tiny silver stars, rain boots and ridiculous giant boot socks that went over the boots and sort of matched my leggings (hey, when it’s cold, it’s cold); changed into jeans, sweaters and tennis shoes for walking

AMOUNT OF TIME BEAUTIFYING: 30 minutes, included a timely eyebrow and weird facial hair plucking

FOLLOW-UP DONE BY: too soon to know


NARRATIVE: I realized right after the fact that our date was like a guidebook example for our city: we went to some guy’s backyard (by appointment) to gawk with other couples at a three-story sculpture of junk. Then we went for coffee and sandwiches at a slightly snobby, hip, crowded coffee shop filled with young people from that neighborhood (I guess this could be anywhere). But then we went on a hiking trail (after I had changed into something more outdoorsy). And this is all within a pleasant drive-able distance on a Sunday.

I felt a real level of comfort with this guy. Is that good because I know him through mutual friends so was even trusting enough to let him see where I lived and invite him in while I changed clothes? (I did not change in front of him, BTW, for those of you with dirty minds.) Or is it bad, because I felt few nerves in his presence? Or, is it good because I felt comfortable and relaxed around him? Or, bad because not having nerves means no chemistry? ANYWAY….

I found out he had kids about two hours before our date was set to begin and was like, “Oh no! (bang head on wall) Why did I not ask the person who set us up about that?!?” I haven’t been planning to date any one with kids because I have been in relationships before with people who had them and it just did not work out. That’s not to say it never could, but I really do want to find the right person and the right situation for the sort of relationship I need. But, I guess for the purposes of this blog, a date is a date. It doesn’t mean I have to get into a relationship or marry the guy.

I felt it would just be too late to cancel the date anyway without being rude. Then, darn it all, we had fun. Oswald was just very nice and easy to talk to, which is why I asked our mutual friend to set us up after having recently met him at one of her parties.

Three good things that happened:

1) he paid (I have been a bit broke lately and it’s just a nice gesture anyway)

2) we seemed to strike a chord talking about religion of all things; we’d both grown up in a traditional religion and then went non-traditional and seem to have similar motivations and perspectives (as much as one can tell in a 15 minute conversation)

3) we both want to travel/live in other countries in the future

The kid thing honestly terrifies me but his are growing up and they’re not around all the time; thinking of moving to another country seems to indicate that he’s not too tied down.   ?????????????????????

Once again, I may’ve found a good comparison point between two guys. My last date, Leopold, is not a ton older than Oswald, who’s close-ish to my age. They are both mature and smart enough to be entertaining, engaging and fun dates. Unfortunately, I am not attracted to Leopold physically but he’s free as a bird with no kids. Oswald is much more my physical type but has kids. Guess I’m figuring things out more and more through an applied process (dating) of elimination (certain traits or things that a person would bring into a relationship).

One more thing is, why must the end of a first date always be awkward? First, I had to get out of his truck to get into my house; so, I just got out. But then he felt he had to get out. So then I thought maybe he would try to kiss me (he had mentioned chewing gum and offered it earlier) and it would be weird because there was no working up to it. So, I probably ruined it by jumping out of the truck. But, I also didn’t want to kiss him because of my doubt on the kid point, and I wouldn’t want to start LIKING him unless I knew it was okay. (Geeeez, too much thinking!)  So I guess it’s okay that I ruined it.  We met on my side of the truck and hugged–it was standard–the hug went fine, we said we had fun, said “bye,” he left, I went inside.

Rating Him:

Face shape: 8 (his beard covers a lot of face, so it’s hard to tell the structure underneath but it looks like he probably has a good jaw, which could elevate him to a 8.5; however, I could live with his nose being a little less hooked

Body: 8 (may also be too early to tell) but he’s got the basic shape I like: thin but doesn’t look like an anemic weakling; tall; some guys canNOT  pull off cowboy boots, this one can

Eyes: 5 (there’s some light there but they are a bit small)

Hair or lack thereof/Facial hair or lack thereof: 4 (hair: shoulder length, which can be sexy but it’s too thin in comparison to the forehead and beard so gives the triangle head effect; trim the stash! the beard works)

Voice: 8.5 (tonally pleasing)

Sexiness: 7

Overall Physical Attractiveness: 5.5

Fashion: 5

IT-ness (the IT factor, you either have IT or you don’t): 6.5

Deportment: 10

Charm: 9

Amiable: 10

Polite: 10

Interesting: 8

Kiss-o-meter: N/A

Rating Myself:

Face: 8 (facial blemishes but I had one of those glory days of makeup settling perfectly)

Body: 6.5 (recent weight gain is upsetting)

Smell: 7 (how do my old hiking clothes smell? I’m not sure)

Fashion: 7

Overall Physical Attractiveness: 7.5

Deportment: 10

Amiable: 9

Confidence: 9

Polite: 9

The One: he must be out there >>check it out<< without the babies